This poster on Reddit asked if people actually enjoyed raising kids. I couldn’t resist and I think you might enjoy my answer.
Alright, I’ll bite. I’ve got a rambunctious 6 year old boy and a newborn baby girl who’s just over 3 weeks old and I’m by no means a natural dad.
When my son was born and I held him for the first time, my first reaction wasn’t the “OMG I’m in love” that you might expect from movies. No. I thought, “Oh fuck, what did I do? My life is over, my relationship with my wife is over. No, no, no, no!” I stood outside the OR (we had a C-section) with my newborn son in my arms and had no idea what I was supposed to do. I asked someone where the baby unit was and proceeded to deliver him as quickly as possible there for some pros who actually know what to do with a baby to deal with him so I can get a grip.
I eventually learned the ropes, figured out the feeding, the poo, the diapers, the weird sleep schedule and even managed to keep our relationship alive by insisting on at least one date night a week asking the grandparents (bless their hearts) would be with him for a couple of hours. But it was plenty rough.
It took me over 5 years to fall in love with him for real, find my footing as a dad, building the connection I was craving for. But now it’s fucking amazing.
I taught him how to ski this winter, how to ride a bike in the last month, we learned how to play chess together and now are fighting monsters in Minecraft. We’re doing Parkour together, we’re learning how to read, and today I got him to eat non-pepperoni pizza, which was a huge win! I’m now in his room after helping him fall asleep and my heart is beating with my love for him.
Is it hard? Hell yeah. Is it worth it? Wouldn’t have it any other way.
It’s different with the second one for me. I’m an accomplished, confident dad. I know what I’m doing, or at least I think I do. I’m also not working, which makes it easier to just be around the house and have my priorities straight. It’s going to take me a while to fall in love with her, and I’m letting myself have that time. It might be quicker this time around, but I’m still a very verbal person and until they talk there’s only so much connection I can experience. But it’s OK.
I always thought of myself as a relationship person, someone for whom a romantic relationship was a great fit but a family wasn’t. Now with two kids I’m starting to appreciate the slightly crazy but very loving dynamic of a larger family. Being a only child myself, this is a new experience for me, but I do catch myself multiple times a day with an unexpected sense of happiness and gratitude.
There’s a saying, “You don’t get to live a live without problems, but if you’re lucky you can choose the problems you have.” I love my problems and I love applying all of my heart, brain and soul to dealing with them. And I love my kids, annoying as they sometimes are.
And of course, every time the kids drive me up the wall I pull my trusted Wuju out to get through the anger, frustration and insanity. Not sure if I could do it otherwise.